


Unsent Emails and Personal Effects

by LadyYev



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Fluff, Letters, Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 14:10:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6010519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyYev/pseuds/LadyYev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This collection of unsent emails span the time between Mass Effect 1 and 2. They detail Kaidan's feelings as he works through Shepard's Death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsent Emails and Personal Effects

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Rhema-Beth Boalch for Valentine's Day

 

_This is a collection of emails found in Kaidan Alenko's drafts folder. These emails detail his strong feelings for his previous commanding officer before and after her death. Though he never sent them, his feelings for her are clear._

_This is to be reviewed by IA during his consideration for 'Captain' status._

_\- Laura Santina, Internal Affairs Officer_

 

**Subject: Thanks**

**To: Commander Shepard**

**From: Kaidan Alenko**

**Status: Unsent**

Hey,

I wanted to write you, just to say thanks. Thank you for giving me a chance.

It’s been a hell of a year, hunting down Saren, fighting the Geth, dealing with the Council. I mean, out of all of the things you had to think about and do this past year, you still took the time to get to know me. I still can’t understand why a person as wonderful as you would even bother with a mess like me. But I am thankful every day that you did.

We haven’t been together long, only a few weeks, but I know that I want you in my life forever. I never knew it was possible to feel this way, but I love you.

I know it’s probably too soon to say these things, so I don’t think I will send this email. But I want it on record that right now, today, three weeks after we started seeing each other, I know you are the one. I am going to spend the rest of my life with you.  

Love,

Kaidan

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Subject: No Subject**

**To: Commander Shepard**

**From: Kaidan Alenko**

**Status: Unsent**

Damn it! Why? Why did it have to be you? Fuck Joker. Fuck the Normandy. Didn’t you know I love you? Didn’t you know I can’t live without you? I can’t! What do I do now? I can’t do this without you. How could you just die and leave me here all alone?_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Subject: Investigations**

**To: Commander Shepard**

**From: Kaidan Alenko**

**Status: Unsent**

Today they informed me that they found the crash site, there were no survivors. Your body was not among those that were found, but it is unlikely that you survived. Their words not mine.

I know it’s stupid, but over the last few weeks I have continued to hold onto hope that somehow, some way you survived. Maybe you were out of range of transmissions, or your communicator was broken. I almost punched a Lieutenant the other day for suggesting that I should just “Move on.” I know you are out there somewhere. You have to be.

-Kaidan

**_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

**Subject: Services**

**To: Commander Shepard**

**From: Kaidan Alenko**

**Status: Unsent**

Your service was today. It’s been a month since the accident. I saw your mother at the service. She sat in the front row. I thought about introducing myself, but I didn’t know what to say. We weren’t together for very long. Did you tell her about me? What would I say?

“Hi, I’m Kaidan. I was your daughter’s boyfriend for the last month before…”

I didn’t say anything. I spent the entire service trying to decide whether or not I should. In the end she took your flag and left.

There is no body of course. They buried an empty casket as a symbol. It’s getting harder to believe that you’re still out there, but it’s all that I have.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Subject: Lucky Me**

**To: Commander Shepard**

**From: Kaidan Alenko**

**Status: Unsent**

I’m home on leave for a few weeks before they reassign me. Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am to have survived. I don’t feel lucky.

I spend most of my time alone. I am so tired of all the attention, everyone always asking if I’m okay. Of course I’m not. My only relief is the cold mountain air. God, I wish I could have shown it to you. Earth has its issues, but there is nothing as beautiful as Vancouver in the Spring.

The cherries are just starting to blossom, the mountains still have snow on their peaks. Everything is so beautiful.

Soon I will have to leave, back to the cold metal of space. I’m not looking forward to it. I miss you so much.

-Kaidan

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Subject: Hopsital Visit**

**To: Commander Shepard**

**From: Kaidan Alenko**

**Status: Unsent**

I got head butted by a krogan! And lived! We were doing some detail around Omega, when BAM out of nowhere a Krogan slams into me! It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my whole life! Fortunately It only broke a few ribs and bruised my lungs. I feel like I’m breathing shards of glass right now, but I should recover in a couple of weeks.

They are keeping me under close observation because my L2 was pretty shaken. I should be fine though.

I wish you were here, it’s so boring just lying in a hospital bed waiting to get better. Maybe you could explain these Hanar soap Operas to me. They are surprisingly complex and confusing.

-Kaidan

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Subject: I still miss you**

**To: Commander Shepard**

**From: Kaidan Alenko**

**Status: Unsent**

It’s been a while since my last letter. Honestly, I don’t know why I keep writing these. I am not sending them, and I know even if I did you would never see them. I guess I’m writing them for my own benefit at this point. It’s been eight months since the accident. I still think of you every day.

I have been keeping busy with work. My new unit is fine, but they aren’t the Normandy. And my Commander isn’t you. I guess that goes without saying. We have been working as support for a few colonies lately. Nothing too big, but enough to keep me distracted.

I saw Tali on the citadel a few weeks ago. She was bartering for parts for the flotilla. Neither of us said much, there isn’t much to say. Not without talking about you, which is still painful.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Subject: Happy Anniversary**

**To: Commander Shepard**

**From: Kaidan Alenko**

**Status: Unsent**

It’s been a year since we went to Ilos. Which I guess makes this our anniversary. I plan on spending the evening as drunk as I can get in the observation deck of my ship. Maybe the alcohol and the endless stream of stars will help dampen the pain.

This is not how I pictured spending our first anniversary. I would have taken you to a nice restaurant, bought you the biggest steak you had ever seen, and washed it down with a good Canadian lager. We would fall asleep together looking at the stars through your window and pictured all that lay ahead.

Instead I am left here alone.

I love you Shepard. Not loved, I still do, and I think I always will. My friends keep trying to hook me up with other girls, and I struggle to tell them I’m really not interested. I have already met the love of my life, how can any of them compare to you?

I still think about the night before Ilos. The way you looked at me, the way you kissed me, how you tasted, and felt against my skin. I will never forget that. That night was the most amazing night of my entire life, and it hurts to know that I will never feel the touch of your lips against mine ever again. I need you Shepard. I need you so badly.

Love,

Kaidan

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Subject: Last message**

**To: Address Unavailable**

**From: Kaidan Alenko**

**Status: Unsent**

It seems they have deleted your email finally. I guess that’s it then. It’s all official, you are never coming back. Maybe it’s time for me to move on as well. I mean, I can’t. But I can at least stop not emailing you. It’s been a year and three months since the accident. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for letting you go.

I have to try at least. Goodbye Shepard. I will always miss you, and I love you.

-Kaidan

 


End file.
